Now here...

Here in the train. Metal walls, scratched paint, black graffitis. It´s 8 o´clock, almost dark, almost cold, almost filthy. I´m alone and my cigarette. I´m a mess, i´m tired. In the middle of two wagons, the ugliest part in this ugly train. The orange coal in the dark hole. A man appears, i´m afraid. He keeps walking. I´m still a little frightened though he´s gone. An other man, and an other. Everytime a man goes by i get deeply scared. He might hurt me, he might rape me, nobody would know, no one knows. Never mind. It´s almost dark, this filthy old train, i´m alone and a wreck. Now, here, would you like me like this? Do you see me? Do you like me?

Walking on the street, my colorful dress, my red nails, my funny hair. It´s 3 o´clock, almost hot, almost happy, i do smell like a cute baby. I´m about to cross the street, a man behind me, i can feel him but i don´t care. I´m above every presence, i´m alone and independent. A man talks to me, he says something beautiful to me, i ignore him. I think what i would do if you said those lovely words to me. I blush and stammer a laugh. Now, here, would you like me like this? Do you see me? Do you like me?

I melt at home. 10 matches spread, 2 cigarettes smoked, 1 beautiful sad song starting again and again. It´s 5:55 in the afternoon, i´ve been playing that same song in my piano before. I cried a little then, because the song is so sadly beautiful. Almost sleepy, almost sad, almost peaceful. My jeans and my old shirt. Finished my book yesterday, what to read, what to do? Don´t want to go out, but have to. I´m fine here at home. No one goes by, no one frightens me, and no chance for you to appear. You wouldn´t come to me. You are at home, and home for you is also alone. Home for you is without me. Home for me would be just perfect with you. I might be cute now, i might be perfect for you now and i wonder... Now, here, would you like me like this? Do you see me? Do you like me?

I´ll just keep trying.